August Bank holiday 2021, usually I’d be getting ready for Notting Hill Carnival but this year I was getting ready to have a medical camera up my backside, fun! Carnival was cancelled due to COVID, and I was being assessed at the hospital with a colonoscopy after persisting with the GP they check me out. I’d had ongoing issues since 2018 severe sweating, excessive hair loss and odd bowel changes however thyroid and hormone blood tests appeared normal. 2021 I noticed mucus in my poo and pains in my stomach that were not there before, random bloating and then when a friend noticed sudden weight loss, I knew something was not ok.
August Sunday 29th 2021 8am I walked into that theatre room looking at all these machines and seven medical staff waiting to invade my body. I was absolutely terrified but never showed it. After a gruelling hour in theatre and then another hour having bloods and being told by nurses to wait in this room which was pink from head to toe, pink chairs, pink table, pink tissue box.
All I could think was, am I about to be told I have cancer?
Never in a million years did I expect it to be that but there it was that dreaded word, CANCER!
My colon was described as “carpeted” with polyps, something they had never seen before. Generally, people can develop a few without concern but my extreme case detected more than 100 and after 19 biopsies it was apparent to all seven medical staff in the room. After asking about my family history and the confusion with my age they did not confirm my cancer. They said they suspected it to be cancer.
I was informed over the phone three weeks later after pleading with my GP for answers that I had bowel cancer. I honestly cannot begin to describe to you what those 21 days felt like but for some strange reason I felt a sense of calm. Finally, I had an answer to what was wrong with me. I wasn’t going mad for all that time! Obviously, I did not want it to be cancer, nor did I expect it being young, fit and healthy but whatever I had to do to get through this I would.
So, what next?
The future suddenly became a blur and the here and now is all that mattered. Emergency surgery had me in hospital for nine days. I had a total colectomy where they removed the entire large colon, I was extremely fortunate to have a wonderful surgeon who managed to reattach the last inch of colon to my rectum which left me without a stoma. The next nine recovery days in hospital were some of the most gruesome and scariest moments of my life, I woke up from surgery but I didn’t think I was making it out there alive.
I made it out thank god! Only to discover my journey was just beginning. Histology report showed the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes meaning the cancer was Stage 3 and would require a course of intense mop up chemotherapy but before that I had to go through a course of IVF treatment to try preserve eggs. I had nine awful cycles of chemo, I would have my infusion in hospital on a Wednesday. I called them Purple Wednesdays as the chemo chairs were a great shade of purple. I would then take my treatment home where it would enter my body through the PICC line in my left arm. A nurse would come to my home two days later on a Friday and disconnect my pump. I would spend the weekend recovering and then enjoy a week break before back into hospital for another cycle.
June 2022 a call came, worst news yet! RECURRENCE.
Chemo wasn’t working, and the cancer had metastasised around my peritoneal. Six new tumours and bilateral tumours on my ovaries. At first, I had to learn what my peritoneum was. I’d never heard of it before but the minute my ovaries were mentioned everything around me shut down, everything went black, silent, like I’d fallen into my own grave. I’d wanted to be a mother for so long and now. I was being told I may not even make it to my 40th birthday let alone ever be a mum.
SO, what next?
Genetic testing was required, more scans, second opinions were asked from other hospitals and finally another treatment option became available. Immunotherapy, a form of chemo targeting the immune system. I’ve now completed 14 cycles of this treatment before the side effects became so intense we decided to terminate early. It’s keeping my cancer stable and has even shrunk some of my tumours which is fantastic but living with incurable cancer sucks. I’m truly grateful for everyday. I wake up and try to make the most of every healthy moment I can. I now find joy in the simplest of things and I strongly believe love, laughter and happiness is the cure for just about anything.
I live in HOPE every single day.
My one piece of advice for others:
Your body is your temple you must be good to it. Listen to your intuition you know that gut feeling, you’re not likely to be wrong. If you feel something wrong with your body do not delay in getting it checked out. Health is wealth. Try to focus on the good and not the bad even if everything is bad, find one positive thing and hold onto that. The mind is an extremely powerful tool.